I’m not always sure who has the clearer vision, Ethan sees what matters, and shuts the rest of the world outside. I see the world, but too often shut down inside in the pursuit of succeeding. ~ Heidi Rome, Autism MomTweet
Have you ever questioned yourself before you knew anything was different…you knew?
Ethan was a long desired child, late to the motherhood club, I had married later in life, and married life with children meant that we had to get with it to even have the chance to create a family together.
It wasn’t as though I hadn’t thought to have children. My pattern since childhood had been to dutifully tend what was put before me. Our family ethics had implied that if it was something you could do, it was yours to do. I had lived a long litany of things that needed to be done…for my Mom who was unwell in my childhood, to the point of dying. To the office, who needed my skills as a marketing manager, to the clubs, organizations and all the things…that seemed to always urgently need tending.
I wasn’t able to focus on myself, I told myself that daily. “I’ll get to it, another day, someday…when this is complete” The problem was…life crisises and happenings never stopped. Slowly but surely my life joy and expectancy for good things to happen ground to a halt. About the time we had all my original dreams coming true. A healthy son, a strong marriage, a great job, then Ethan’s pregnancy put the frosting on the cake…except I knew… I knew deeply…shortly after Ethan’s birth.
and it only took two years before my concerns were finally affirmed…. (to be continued)